When I first knew you-
When was that?
I have always known you.
In the Past, Present, and Future,
I was there and so were you.
My friend, wait for me.
I have to go on this journey.
I promise I will return
I have to go.
It is time for us to find our strength.
We will meet again,
No longer girls, shy in the ways of the world,
But strong women, who will laugh,
Cry and rejoice when reunited.
Let us walk now alone along this road.
We have what we need,
I my pen,
As do you, ready.
When we reach the fork choose your path.
I have chosen mine.
Our roads will meet one day-
Do not run.
Walk, there is much to learn where you go.
Your voice and pen will be your sword.
Use them wisely-
Call, and though I will not be able to join you,
I will be there,
Loving directions and advice guiding your way.
My friend wait for me.
It will not be long.
One day we will meet,
At the end of the road
The sky will open,
And a rainbow will arch above us.
*to my lifelong friend and sister, Hannah.
You said the ground was covered in clock pieces and I was surrounded.
Everyone was looking up from their Christmas presents,
Surprised, confused, a little uneasy,
As you pointed at me insisting,
“The floor is covered in clock pieces, you’re going to cut yourself!”
Watching, as you jumped in surprise as your wife of fifty years,
Put her hand on yours to calm you down,
And you looked at her as if she was a complete stranger.
The woman before you with a white crown of hair,
Once the six-year old girl you promised to marry.
We watch as you look down at your hands,
Large, worn out and wizened by time; as if they hold the answers
Hands that once graded Astronomy papers,
Held your children and grandchildren with equal care
Filled in endless crossword puzzles
Played chess and mended kites
Fixed zippers with soap and drew star charts.
Now, sitting quietly on your lap, trembling and tired from use.
Memory, a foggy haze as you look around at your children and their children,
Keeps you from looking around with your normal smile, and instead you look completely lost.
And it hurts, more than I can possibly say,
To have you, Grandpa,
Who used to know every star,
Every fact worth knowing,
Say to Grandma,
“She’s not listening. That girl doesn’t know she’s sitting on clock pieces.”
I am a woman,
Not a figurine that can be stood on a shelf
Not a piece of decoration
Not a hood ornament,
Not a piece of arm candy
I don’t dress for anyone but myself.
If I wear a belly shirt,
It’s not because I am a slut.
I want to show off my waist.
If I wear a long skirt,
It’s not because I am prudish,
But because I love the feeling of the cloth on my legs.
If I wear pants,
It’s not because I am a tom boy
But because they are comfortable
Boys, if you see me at a party,
Don’t assume I am here for a hook up with you.
I am there because I want to enjoy myself with friends.
I am not interested in pick-up lines
You can buy me a drink,
but don’t think that grants you any favors.
If I push you away,
I am not a bitch,
I just don't like you.
I am whatever I chose to be,
Not what a thin billboard
Or a bottle of shampoo demands of me.
I reject all stereotypes.
I break the mold, because I am an individual.
I don’t need to work to gain your respect,
If I am talented, and good at my work,
That should mean more than my gender.
I am a woman,
A human being.
I refuse to be anything than me.
You can try to mold me into what you think I should be,
But then you will find I am more than your wildest imagination.
I am strong
I am wise
I am confident
I do not need to fight for a respectable place in society
Among the men
There should be plenty of spots for me.
You can call me degrading names
I dare you to make me anything less.
But that belittles you, not me.
I am a woman,
Not a puppet.
I am intimidating,
Because I have power,
that comes from within,
a stubborn flame that will burn,
No matter what, I will still be a woman.
I never got to say Good-bye,
I never thought I had to,
Coming home from school all those times,
Opening the kitchen door
And knowing you would be there,
“Hola Chiquita, how was school?”
I never thought about the day when you wouldn’t greet me,
Because childhood innocence
Promised me you would be there
The last time I saw you,
I was going away
Looking toward the adventure
Too excited to look back
I promised myself I would come back to say "hi."
We would speak in your language instead of mine,
And you’d say,
“Muy Bien, Chiquita, I’m so proud.”
Well, now I'm back
But you're not here anymore
And no matter how much I scream and cry about the unfairness
I will never see you smile again.
No matter how many doors I open,
You’re not behind any of them.
I never got to say good-bye
Because I always thought I would have one more hello
One more hug,
One more day after school,
Now I have neither
You've gone on your big adventure
But you can't come back.
*This poem is dedicated to Orbelina Martinez, she may be gone but never from my heart. Te amo.
I know you are an ideal to me, but what an ideal you are. You are a man, a man who I trust and respect with ever fiber of myself and who commands the same from everyone else. You bring out the best in me, showing how I can improve, how I can be stronger, how I can be better. You demand self-improvement with a look, and you are my conscience.
With you I can talk for hours, on a range of subjects. I am always learning from you and you-I hope- enjoy listening to me. I think of you when I don’t see you for a week and I wish we could spend more time together.
I miss the old days. The days where everything seemed happier, lighter, easier when you were so close. When you only lived two dorms down and I could just knock on your door, entertaining a personal haven.
Sometimes we would watch movies, curled up on opposite sides of the couch with only our feet touching each other when we changed position. The light from the television bathing us both in a flickering blue glow, casting shadows, light in the darkness of the room.
Sometimes we would just talk. You can make me laugh like no one else can, and perhaps that is why when I leave, I feel like crying. Because you are no longer there to make me smile.
You were there for me when my parents separated, always sending me texts and jokes while my tiny house became a battleground, while furniture and possessions were separated into boxes. A light on my screen to assure me that everything was going to be okay as my world crumbled around me.
I miss your voice just as I miss the missed opportunity I had to be with you. Because you were just a friend to me then. I had a boyfriend who was nice, but didn’t make me laugh like you did. Who fell asleep when we watched Avengers. I didn’t see you then, and I don’t know when I suddenly realized I needed you. To laugh with, to cry with, to make dinner or buy take-out; to wake up on the same side of the couch with your arms around me.
But you don’t miss things until they’re gone right? Because by the time I turned to you…you had moved on, and you no longer seemed interested in spending time with me at all.
I know there will come a day when you will find someone else. When I will have to see you with someone else. Maybe you will finally get Katie-your girl who got away- or fall for a cute Barista or Dog walker and I will smile and wish you all the happiness in the world because I need you and even if you are just a friend at least I won’t have to loose you.
I remember the last day I saw you, talked to you. How at the end of the day I walked you to your car and we stood under the streetlights laughing and talking, while I shivered in the cold rather then go back inside because I wanted to spend just one more minute with you and I didn’t know when I would see you again.
You, who leaned so casually against your car in your leather jacket and boots. The street light turned your hair to gold and I wanted to laugh with you and cry and kiss you all at once because talking with you brightens my day and you’re graduating soon and you just looked so handsome.
I don’t want you to go. To graduate, to get a job and to start your life without me. I don’t want to have to plan out days when I can see you and listen to you tell me how I look like Mom, or make me laugh-or just to hear your voice. I know I have to let you live your life but still, my friend, as I watch you walk away, this last time, let me whisper quietly-my love- I wish you well, I wish you fortune, I wish you happiness.
When I first knew you-When was that?I have always known you.In the Past, Present, and…
You said the ground was covered in clock pieces and I was surrounded. Everyone was…
I am a woman,Not a figurine that can be stood on a shelfNot a piece…
I never got to say Good-bye,I never thought I had to,Coming home from school all…
Dear K, I know you are an ideal to me, but what an ideal you…
© Tributize AG 2017
It has helped me think about the things I love best, and what they mean in everyday life