There really are no words that I can use to describe the acute pain I feel during those rare moments that I would sit and imagine that had it been you were by my side at the moment, none of these would feel so awkward. I have grown to be so used to having you at my side. This is similar to living a tragedy or better still, a mix of feelings which are so personal yet so powerful. A feeling that most people on this earth understand what it feels like; living a life without such a significant figure at your side. It has just been seven years that I moved out of your home but it just feels like an eternity being without you at my side.
One thing that is for sure is I would have never known what it feels like living on my own had it been I never took such a bold step, but one thing I know is wherever I may be, you are just one call away and all I wish for you is may you get to live the life you have always wanted to live; a life full of joy, happiness and void of sorrow and bothering less about me. Yes, there are things about you that I still have fresh in my mind as though it just happened yesterday; your struggles in life to provide me and my other two siblings with all that we could ever need and made sure we never ran short of anything. Talk less of the endless love which you showered us with as she was a single mother. I don’t even want to imagine the challenges that you faced.
How I wish I could get those hugs from you which you would give whenever I was down morally for one reason or another because this is one of those moments that I would love to have you in my life. It is my wish that someday you get see how much of a beautiful young lady my daughter has grown into despite the trials and tribulations she has been through.
Cruel fate! Why is it that I had to move out? Why could some exceptional people not just live together forever; in that way, I will never miss the piercing flavor of that hot morning porridge in the build up to breakfast. The excitement of the wait and the satisfaction of feeling the first spoon full of it on my tongue and the taste. It's like the recipe was dropped straight from heaven. Your cooking was so amazing that I believe it could send the Israelites who ate the manna in the desert back for a refund. You had that unique skill of knowing the right ingredients to put at the right time. Then now you are no more at my side, so is that wonderfully crafted porridge. What an artist you are! You in the kitchen could be compared to Picasso on his canvas! For a couple of years now I have searched for someone who matches your finesse in the kitchen for a partner (I'm tempted to say an office for she performed as if a salary was due) to no avail.
Oh, how I miss those guiding hands of yours that were always pushing me in the right direction and never allowing me to put a foot wrong. For those hands though they looked very soft and gentle, could wreak havoc immediately I tried going astray. I would cry for hours, wondering how you could be so wicked. My skin hurting from the agony it sustained in the course of the correction process but when I take a look at the man I've become today, a man of honor and integrity, in this world where such qualities are facing extinction, I'd wish I could go back in time and take a million more of those corrections. I also miss those your all-seeing eyes that seemed to be everywhere at every time protecting me from the big boys who will attempt to bully me in the streets. It's like you could smell when danger was lurking.
At times I look up at the sky and wonder if the Mighty being is taking a piss on me or if that's the way things were meant to be. Why make me move out? Why? Why? These are those moments you understand you should cherish those who are dear to you when you still have them around because you will miss them when they are away. Actually if I were to, just for a split second, have you in front of me like right now, I would hold you so tight even the hands of death won't be able to separate both of us. I would tell you all the things I could not tell you or would not tell you when I still had you around. Probably because I was angry for taking a correction or I was just too busy to tell you that. I will tell you how much I loved you, how you should never leave me no matter what I did or said. I would take back all the harsh words I ever said to you for those were the whining of an ignorant & angry kid.
You also had your down moments; like the intensity with which you executed a correction. I always felt it didn't match the crime I committed. There were also times when I needed your to help complete an assignment when I come home from school or when I had some emotional problem from school which required parental assistance. You would be so busy with work and will not finally help me but water under the bridge, I resolved those problems and by so doing became stronger next time I faced them. Having some assistance would have done me a lot of good though. Fortunately, we can say that you not helping me out, in this case, was another lesson for me; which is I should be strong and face this world with an elastic heart. In that way, I could overcome all the challenges that came with it.
I can go on all day about your qualities and the list will only go on and on but I'll have to cut short here and say that I miss you so much mom and wish you could be here with me right but that's just life, moving out is part of life and we have to live with it. And in the end, all we really have are memories…..
Tagged under# Memories
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